I glare with terror at the book in the front of me. What the - did I just write an awkward sentence to post in this blog post? OMG am I'm cursed with the curse of bad writing? What kind of horribleness is this?
OK, I'll stop now, but wow this book is badly written. I was amazed when I read the first chapter of this book and almost died of brain damage, I mean I heard that this book had some bad writing, but I didn't think the writing would be as bad as it is. I honestly don't know if I can write a review of the next chapter, it's been such a chore to read this awkwardly written literature... I should say story shouldn't I? Literature makes it seem like it was professionally written.
Background: To start off, Fifty Shades of Grey is a book written by a woman named E. L. James. This book started off as a Twilight fanfiction, that's your hint that the book is not exactly what you might call impressive. However I hear that there are some fan fiction stories that are actually pretty good, so it isn't really all that fair to judge this book just because it started off as a fan fiction novel.
Also, to be fair, I actually did not mind the first Twilight movie (obviously based off the book, and I know it's blasphemy so put some tar on me and throw feathers this way lol), but that movie just didn't have super irritating characters (yet), they were just bland. So I was thinking, hey there might be a chance that I won't dislike this book. Well, sadly, that is not the case. So far the main reason I don't like this book is not because it is horribly written, but because it was a best seller, turning it into a symbol to how low the intellectual level has fallen. People actually think this is good and decently written! I admit, I'm not the best writer either, but I'm pretty sure I'm a better writer than the author of this book! I guess the difference between E.L. James and I is that I'm not narcissistic and I realize that I should not be writing books (or at least if I ever end up write one I would have someone check them for mistakes over and over again). I mean oh my god, this writer sounds like she is 15 years old and is writing her private romantic fantasy novel about that one guy in her class whom she fantasies about being with. There is nothing publish worthy about this, how did it not get rejected? Did this woman even pass English class? I'm sorry if I'm sounding so harsh but it is amazing to read something published with such badly written sentences, I'm still in shock at what I just read. Didn't E.L. James' writing teacher ever tell her to show not tell?
Anyway moving on to the plot of the first chapter. It starts off with Kate (the protagonist's roommate) having the flu so the protagonist (named Ana) has "been volunteered" to do an interview with a "mega-industrialist tycoon". Kate tells Ana that she is once again her lifesaver, and we realize how the author sees this character, the savior of the story (which I believe will come up later when she tries to "save" her future lover from his "awful" bdsm lifestyle. Which, by the way, is not a lifestyle people need saving from if they are in it >:( but I'll get to that if or when I come to it).
Ana goes to the "headquarters of Mr. Grey’s global enterprise" AKA Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. (Interestingly enough this is the first time Mr. Grey's name is mentioned, we the reader do not know who Mr. Grey is, and all we can assume is that he is who Kate was supposed to interview. But is Mr. Grey the CEO, is he owner of this enterprise and thus not the person Ana is going to interview, or is he both? We do not know because he hasn't really been introduced). Finally she starts interviewing him after meeting two of his blonde receptionists. Finally we get a name, Christian Grey. These two talk and do the interview is done (finally we know that Mr. Grey is both the CEO and the owner of the company, and an interview is "totally" not a lazy way of flushing out the character of Christian). During this interview Christian asks “Are you colleagues on the student paper?” (James, 14), this either makes me think that Christian has a bad time with the English language or that E.L. James or her editor did not look at the story close enough to see a basic mistake. Anyway, back to the story. Christian ends up offering Ana an internship at his company, but she turns him down (at least right now), and she leaves the building and drives home.
Review for this chapter: It was horrible lol, but I do suggest anyone who does not think that a book would be published with such terrible writing go check this out, read a chapter on Amazon. WARNING: You might give yourself a concussion by the time you're done with reading a page of this book, PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
Also, I would like to ask why there are so many references to the color grey, Ana's last name is Steele, the love interest is named Mr. Grey, the building where the interview takes place is made of steel, the outfit the secretary has on is black and white (mixed together = grey), Mr. Grey has grey eyes, etc. This author repeats words so much on some instances while I was reading the story I was like "let me guess, you're going to say that the desk is sandstone again", or "OMG I bet I can't guess what color Mr. Grey is wearing is, and what color his eyes are. They are purple right? Totally won't be grey, nope not at all" (sorry, sarcasm is hard to show on a computer).
Quoting Fifty Shades of Grey "Nothing changes" (James, 8), this is the perfect quote to express the extent of repetition in this story. EVERYTHING IS FREAKIN' GREY!!!!! What is the author's obsession with Grey? Is that her favorite color?
Random Works Cited For Fun (yay)!
James, E. L. Fifty Shades of Grey. Waxahachie, TX: Writer's Coffee Shop, 2011. Print.
