Anyway, University has been going pretty badly, not because of the classes (there's only one I don't like) but because I think it basically kicked up my gender-dysphoria (with soooo many reminders that I'm not a girl) which in turn kicked up my depression. It seems like whenever I'm alone or I'm not hanging out with my friends or family I tend to think about myself and that isn't exactly the best thing for me to do because I reflect on everything and I get depressed because I think of myself and cannot stand that I was born a guy, along with other things like not having many friends that live in the dorm (I have like 1 or 2, and all the friends in my classes drive to University from where they live), or not having a girlfriend, or other stuff.I hate saying that I'm depressed because I hate and it makes it seem like all Gothic people are depressed when they are not! I also hate it because my life isn't as bad as other people I am in University, and I already my Associates degree, I have a job (just got that at University a few days after I got here), I have some good friends even if I can't hang out with them that much, heck, I even won a guitar at some University event! But to be blatantly honest I would give up that guitar in a heartbeat if it meant I would have a great girlfriend or amazing friends in the dorm, or I would especially give it up if it meant I could start life over as a girl.
However, lately I bought a Genesis and some video games and that seemed to help take my mind off of this stuff for a bit which is good for now, but I still need to see a gender therapist in the future though I'm just kind of scared and nervous about starting therapy.
OK, enough depressing news here's Mr. Music Pickup to save the post from being too depressing! Here's more music I picked up from over the summer to now.
Alien Sex Fiend - Fiend At The Controls
Alien Sex Fiend is a hit-or-miss band for me, some of their songs I just love (like E.S.T Trip To The Moon, and Magic) but then there are some songs that I just cannot stand at all (such as Smells Like..). However I think this CD is pretty good! It has tons of dubs (I believe those are basically instrumental remix tracks), other remixes, and a few demos and original tracks, and one interview. Oh and apparently it seems like this CD is kind of expensive, so I guess it was good I found it for $7 basically brand new! My favorite tracks on this CD are
"Comatose (The Ultra Mix)"
"Mrs. Fiend Goes To Outer Space (Edit)" - best song on the whole CD in my opinion
ASP - Hast Du Mich Vermisst
In my opinion ASP can be a really good band when they sing in English in German they're ok. However I found out almost all my favorite ASP songs were on this disk so I had to get it lol
"Where Do The God's Go?"
"Sing Child"
"Imbecile Anthem"
Emilie Autumn - Liar/Dead is the New Alive EP
When I saw this CD being sold at a decent price on Amazon I knew I had to buy it, it's one of the hardest Emilie Autumn CD's to find, the only one that might be harder is her Laced/Unlaced album, and it has some really great acoustic songs that are found only on this CD, not to mention some great remixes! There are remixes on this CD from Brendon Small, ASP, Angelspit, Dope Stars Inc, and Velvet Acid Christ). Now I basically have every EA CD (besides some of her early EP's) I just need to get Laced/Unlaced and Enchant from "real" labels and not the stupid IronD one... Oh and the best part was that this CD was autographed by Emilie Autumn! My favorite songs on this CD are (hint some of the only acoustic songs EA ever did)
"In the Lake"
"Let It Die" - learn the lyrics in Spanish! :P
Project Pitchfork - Dhyani
One of my favorite albums by Project Pitchfork (it's also their first) it is pretty much great electronic-industrial music at it's finest and some people think it sounds similar to Skinny Puppy. I see that a little bit because they both sing oddly, however Project Pitchfork is easier to listen to (if you haven't heard any Skinny Puppy before, if you have then they're both not that hard to listen to lol), and they are still both very different bands. You can really see that now if you compare their new stuff. It also seems like this album might be a little bit rare, but who knows lol.Anyway there are some really good songs on this album that are my favorite songs I've heard from Project Pitchfork They are
"K.N.K.A"
"2nd Step"
Well it's getting late, so I may end up posting a new blog in the future with more CD's, I need to start making more blogs on here, so maybe I'll try to post almost every day in October from now until Halloween? Idk
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